Lately I've been reminiscing on the last couple of years in my life. This time two years ago, I was Wwoofing, living and working on a farm, trying out a lifestyle I had only dreamed of before. I spent my days outside with my hands in the earth, occupied and working, my mind free to wander and dream and ponder, tallying numbers and figuring out if a life on the land would ever be feasible and affordable. During that time I was also introduced to ayahuasca (a shamanic brew from the amazon) for the first time, in ceremony, opening myself up to a whole new world of magic and possibility, my intention and intuition become sharp, like a piece of knapped flint.
This time last year, I was in ceremony again, communing with the Spirits and meeting my Love. I met him in the underworld, in a dark room where energy was swirling and whirling around me and time was incomprehensible; I was a baby again and couldn’t use words to express my feelings and fears, so I held his hand and there, on that soft mat in that dark room, is where I fell in love.
Now, it is spring time once again and now I am on the land that I dreamed of for so long, my hands in the dirt again, digging beds for our garden. Our love is just one year old, yet it feels like I’ve been by his side for a lifetime and even beyond. This love feels deep, reaching into the shadows and depths of my core, like the medicine that introduced us.
Lately, I have been practicing an old, seemingly never ending exercise of mine: letting go. To surrender to the flow, to be aware of the fifth element (as the Sufis called it), the fact that although we have some control over our actions and daily life, there is a higher intelligence, a big Mystery that rules us all. It’s a force that I acknowledge daily, treating it with reverence and care, like rubbing lotion on the hands of an old person, or offering nuts to a curious squirrel, or planting flowers carefully in freshly dug holes. This is the force that pushes my body down onto my soft bed some days, asking that I conserve my energy and quietly rest for a few hours. This is also the force that rises me out of bed early in the morning to make jewelry all day and take photographs of my work. This force reaches from my belly to my throat and brings songs to my voice, the message aching to be embodied and shared.
So, as spring arrives and brings new teachings and new challenges, I will honor the changes and the truths. I will honor the Mystery behind all of life.
These are collections of thoughts in my heart + head.
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